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how about FUCK . [27 Mar 2005|04:15am]
[ mood | sad sad sad .. </3 . ]

Dear journal .

hm , lets see i fucked it up and theirs no turning back'' whatever , usually when i say someone has turned your back on me ; i have usually turned my back on the world. which i have . i had fun bowling last night , but i lost my best friend . 2 in one year how amazing am i . i really do a great job . idc anymore . idc about anything . please dont come to me with your problems or ill fuck them up too . i love my best friend and i messed up id give anything to have him back , if only he beleived me. he doesnt think i trust him but i do , idk how i can show him i do either ;
i need to take a serious reality check and think idk , i screwed it all up ; i give up . i fucking hate easter and now ill have ot be with my family so they can bitch and moan on how good of a life i have '' even when in the first please i ddint say something was wrong with it''

fuck it all

i just wish the story didnt end this way ; cause im still in love with the person who helped me write it

2| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

um greatest day of my life kthanx. [19 Mar 2005|08:49pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Dear me ,

i havent written in this thing in about 4-5 months. im sorry . soooo much stuff has happened since then , but i think ill just start from here.

today ..
i cried , because i was soo happy.

i realized how lucky i am .. to have amazing friends ; and my boyfriend. you guys are the best. today i went bowling with billy ,my bestest friend matt , jon and mellissia.. my life at this point , cant get any better .. today was the best fucking day ever. i had soo much fun bowling ... billy was soo sweet ; he paid for me and i was like awwwww .. <3333 .. and so did matt thanks boys <333. i sucked bowling in the begining but i got better ; and can i mention i kicked billys ass!!! :] love that boy, i bet he was just letting me win so it didnt look like i sucked, its alright . i think matt beat all of our asses. haha . jon got a few strikes too, billy got the first one of the night though , thats my billy <33. hes soo adorable and after tonight ; i realized how much i love him and would NEVER want to loose him. hes so amazing and he makes me smile , more then anyone ever has. erm... if i could i would spend every second with him of the day :''[ but i cant.. im soo glad i met one of my new best friends this year, matt oprandy is the greatest friend ever <33. i love my best friends and would die for them. im so lucky and grateful to have friends like matt. =] today was the best day ever . i really neeeded this day , i havent felt this way in Quite a while . spending it with people i care about :]. and here i am crying with happiness because i have a greater life then most people. im soo lucky <333 .

its been 5 and a half amazIng months with billy , soon to be half a year. i can`t wait, i love you billy [ < 10804 3 ] <333

ill start writing in this thing again '' .

love , <33
Jamie .

1| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

Love Me [21 Nov 2004|07:57pm]
[ mood | i dont know what to say ]

comment if you actually read my live journal . if not ; i am not gonna write in this thing anymore .

17| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

you are my only one <3 . [19 Nov 2004|03:30pm]
[ mood | realizing how great i have it ]

school was all shortened days this week .. it went by so fast !!!! .. haha ..

but i must admit that i love seeing all my friends . i love them all so much <333333333 .

im so lazy i dont feel like typing my whole week in here .

i love billy so much . your are truely my best friend . and we always laugh our asses off together =D . 10804 <333 . ur my cutie pie <3333 .

comment bitches <3 .

i must admit ; i love my life . i have it really good .

13| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

my heart ; it beats for two now .. it beats for you <3 . [14 Nov 2004|01:22pm]
[ mood | sleepy ; loved ; happy ]

my heart ; it beats for two now .. it beats for you <3 .

monday was my one month . it was a great day .

the next day ; i found out a great friend died . </3 r.i.p jessica martinez for ever in our hearts . this taught me a great lesson ; cherrish every minute like its your last , never fight with anyone , and always tell the people you love just how much you love them . who knows they might not be here tommorrow to hear you say it . i can say its not far she died ; but then again lifes not fair so who am i to blame . at least shes out of pain and free . <3 . wednesday i just held zack as he cried . i felt so bad for him . he was a wreck . agh i hate when my friends cry . espically one that means so much to me <3 . zack bff for life . kaitlyn was really sad to but its hard to confort her when she has so many feelings running thru her head . i think ray tends to stress her out sometimes .. [ i wonder why ] .. but i lover her so much and wouldnt trade her for the world . and nayway she has her milkshakes and i have betty and veronica . haha i love you girl . <3 . bff . thursday - i went to the wake . i was pretty upset i couldnt get a hold of billy before i went so with everything happeneing i just shut my door and cried . my life is so overwhelming sometimes , but i sucked it up and went . when i got there , i saw billy <3 it meant so much that we went . i needed him there . zack needed him there . i think we all did =D . after i saw jessica and prayed i just started bauling and went up to her mom and her mom kissed me and hugged me and said thank you for coming .. i ran outside and just grabbed zack . i didnt know what to do .. then i went up to billy and he made me feel better ; he always does .. so i hung out with kaitlyn lil jon and billy for the rest of the night. and we just talked and tried to cheer eachother up and make the best out of a horrible situation. friday - it was a better day ; i smiled and laughed . i got home went online and justin and kaitlyn are like "were coming over" .. so i was like um ok so they came over and we chilled and me and justin lost our shoes haha and justin was wearing all my clothes and my jacket hahaha . we looked like such dorks . haha . and i talked to billy on the phone for like 5 minutes but then we both had to go . and so me kait and justin went to the golf course and i saw they installed a new fence cause they saw where i was sneeking in [ dam ] haha . i love it . lol then justin called cat my lover <3 and like the greatest person ever <3 ! . saturday - i got my hair cut . now i look like a cutie pie =D i went to kohls and um to white castle and got a chocolate shake and then to dunkin donuts for donuts and then i had to go to my parents friends house where i was just online the whole time talking to everyone hahaha . =D . today - listening to the walk off the greatest band ever , my chemical romance and lucked out .. hell yea bitch represent .. and have some homework to catch up on and talking online to a few people like courtney and kaitlyn . well thats all for now . comment if you love me <333 . i love billy so much 10-8-04 . As the language dissolves ; and the sentance lifts , a slow alphabet of rain is whispering [ a b c d ] .. since i replace " I " in live with an " O " . I love you so much billy . id be lost without you . <3333 . 10.8.04 oh yeah and kaitlyn straightedge people are rad there not crap ! haha lmao XXX for life . i respect you people =p . haha <3 jamie * .

10| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

Lost my fear of falling , I will be with you <3 [05 Nov 2004|09:06am]
[ mood | i love Billy <3 . ]

i havent updated since halloween because nothing has happened in that amount of time thats worth gonig on the computer. It sucks being grounded. but my parents arent home now so im on anyway =D hahahah ...

monday - went really fast . i saw the usual people; catt, justin , ashley heather, joe , justin , steve , chris , ray , dana , julianne , julian , julia , shari ... and Billy <3 . and of course me and kaitlyn are best freinds again . idk why we have been getting in so many fights lately .. but whatever starting over is better then ending our friendship. Espically since we have been through so much. i love you kaitlyn =D .

tuesday - stayed for detention /= .. then got my report card [D] so grounded for 2 weeks .. like i really give a shit . haha

wednesday - was a lot better then the rest because it meant we were having a 4 day weekend [ = ... oh well school went by fairly fast , but im gonna miss seing billy for 4 days ]': .. even though he might come over sunday [ = .

thursday - i FINALLY cleaned my room . thank god . hahah . and went online all dya until my parents came home ]= . i talked on the phone with kaitlyn for like 1 and a half and tryed to cheer her up . then i called billy and we were laughing about how i lost my little cousin babysitting and connor had to come find her . hahah . then i listenend to senses fail and lucked out ; and of course my favorite band "THE WALKOFF" bitch what . =D

today [friday] - probably going to the outlet mall and staying online until my parents come home again hahha . or maybe going to kaitlyns if im allowed out ..

in 3 days it will be one month for me and billy . im so happy .

comment if you love me <3333 .

i love you billy


8| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

[31 Oct 2004|06:05pm]
[ mood | cause were young nd in love <3 ]

would you please not let me go ; cause i`d be lost without you <3 .

i had a great week [ =

friday - i dressed up as a poodle skirt girl .. everyone thought i was cute so go me =D . Billy dressed up as an emo person [even though he already is emo] he just doesnt wear tight clothes . [= . hahahha . later that night kaitln and sheryl came over for a little bit and then at like 7 connor came over and we hung out for a little while .. then i went to sleep because i was mad tired .

saturday - i went to the mall from like 9 in the morning to 3 i was so freaking tired .. but then i had noels party so i went and called billy there [= and me and noel and liz decided it would be awsome if we went around throwing toilet paper at peoples houses .. hahah .. then i came home and went online until like 11 and talked to the most amazing people ever <333 i love my friends <3333 . and listened to my favorite hardcore band "the walkoff" ..

sunday - i decided not to go trick or treating but this morning cat was sad ; so i was a little emo . but now shes better =D .. long live "Arr" . i lvoe catt feel better <3333 . i stayed in my pajamas all day .. haha talk about lazy .. lol .. and so i just watched tv and did homework [something i never do] so yeah thats basically it .. i have to make a few phone calls before bed and talk to my friends online ..

tommorrow is monday =D school sucks but the people i love that go there dont =D

comment if you love me <3333 .

[his] lips like knives are shattering my veins ..


only 8 more days until its 1 month <333 .

23| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

please dont let me go ; you know i`d be lost without you .. <3 .. [27 Oct 2004|02:35pm]
[ mood | he loves me <3 . ]

please dont let me go ; you know i`d be lost without you .. <3 ..

saturday - went to the awsome concert . the walk off was there the greatest band of all time. but the only thing i was more excited about was seing Billy ... omg i love him so much .. hes so cute .. hes the nicest person ever .. when he was in the pit [moshing] this kid came up to me and was like "r u gonig out with billy ? .. " and i was like yeah why ... and he was like " keep him close hes a great guy" .. and i was like i know .. and he walked away.. after that i thought about it and i am SO lucky to have him . he treats me better then a lot of my friends i have known for a long time ..
well the night ended and it turned out to be excellent ..

sunday i thought he was mad at me , but it turned out he thought i was mad at him [ haha miscommunications suck ] ..

but monday i saw him and was so happy he wasnt and i saw the rest of my gang that i love so much <333 .

tuesday was really gay because i had detention but ; BUTTTTTTTTT Billy he told me he loved me in person so yeah .. it waas great ..

today was so boring .. but once again me and kaitlyn got over our fight or w/e and are friends go us .. i was so pissed my bus was late this morning but in the end i saw my love <333 hahaha <333 well now i have to go get a coustome for halloween i have no clue what i want to be .. billy says a banana or a cereal killer [ like litterally cereal you eat .. haha ] i love him .. i might be tinkerbell or barbie .. ah who knows will have to see ..

comment if you love me bitches <333333


3| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

wow [22 Oct 2004|09:28pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

wow .. i havent updated in a while because nothing happened that you need to know and if you do know something ; you would know cause your my friend .

this week ;
i saw my sexy boyfriend and all my lovely friends at school so it was pretty amazing <333

friday ;
it was connor / tylers sisters party and it was crazy .. i get there and tyler grabs me and is like ur not leaving .. and i am like why would i .. and hes like kaylas coming so i am like wtf .. you know i hate her .. so he wouldnt let go and i decided to stay because leaving the situation wouldnt help so i stayed there and just gave her dirty looks the whole time and me and aj and connor joked and stuff .. it was funny .. then me and connor decide to start a mosh pit and we sckrewed eachother up real bad .. ahah and he got a bump on his head which sucks and stuff ut hes cool . basically it was me aj and connor the whole time chilling [whipping balls at eachother] and acting like total dumbasses .. i mean i had fun and stuff cause connors like my little brother and so he always makes me smile [ =

tommorrow [saturday]
me noel and connor are going to the italian american club to see amazing bands like lucked out , synonyms for her and THE WALK OFF <333 i love them ! it will even better because ill be there with billy to see it [ =
connors supposed to get in a fight and i might too . one hell of a day !


-<3333 I LOVE YOU BILLY <3333-

Xo Xo

dreams of what disaster is like<3.

love <333 [15 Oct 2004|04:38pm]
[ mood | loved ]

love <333

10.8.04 .. im going out with billy <3
finally; i love him .
thats all.

his lips like knives are shattering my veins

<3 jamie

5| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

[02 Oct 2004|09:15pm]
[ mood | loved ]

in love <333

who cares ..

billys so adorable. i think hes so sweet to me. i heart him a lot . thats all i have to write about for now .. <3

ill wait for you ; but i cant wait forever .. <333 ...

dreams of what disaster is like<3.

[02 Oct 2004|09:07pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hey emo bitch !! i hope u like your live journal !!! tee-hee !! <33


1| dreams of what disaster is like<3.

music ; nHe* --> bloods not enough -> too much thinking can ruin you ... [21 Sep 2004|06:13am]
too much thinking can ruin you ...

ok .. nothing really has happened in the past few days .. ill start from saturday ..

i got my new emo glasses [chyeah] there friggin awsome ! and really went inline all day ... then zack called and said we were going to 60 acre to meet up with julianne. once we got there we called chris and he said everyone was at dunkin donuts so we decided to walk there and to wawa and of course everyone was there except billy ]= .. then everyone had to leave cause the cops were gonig to come cause we were loitering [ not like i care] but i didnt want to get any 1 else in trouble .. so then we walked around for a while and basically just hang out .... then i had the brilliant idea of walking to bluebell [= and sure enough when i get there whos out side ? BILLY <33333 i hung out with him for like a hour and i freaking love that kid hes awsome as hell !!!! too bad hes myn bitches lol ... after that my mom drove julianne home and we got in the car and ate dunkin donuts then we drove zack home ...

i went to jackson day which was really boring and crap so me and noel decide to walk to 60 acre cause thats where we thought all our friends walked too . then noel decides to be an idiot [ not telling what she did] lol ... on our way back we were going to go to dunkin donuts but we decided just to go back to jackson dayy . once we got there , who do i bump into but billy !!! he hugged me but then i said i had to find my gayy bro [always ruining the moment] lol haha but billy had to leave so i didnt get to talk to him ... i saw a lot of people there i kneew and hung out with but me and noel decide to walk to dunkin donuts and then i get that lovely phone call from zack saying me and billy are looking for you at jackson day and i am like wtf !!! so i ran back haha lol and billy just ave m,e a hung again and said he had to go .. [cause he got kicked out] and then me and noel stayed and we watched the fireworks with justin ...

i went to school which was really boring but i saw billy .. chyeah man ! ..

i have to wear my rotc uniform to school [woohoo] yeah right .. lol
but after words billy wants me to go to a concert with him to see the most amazing band ever , nHe! and hawthorne heights noels fav band ..

so thats all for now .. ill update later..

just when i think everything is perfect , you go and make it better <3333

[his] lips like knives are shattering myy veins <33333

dreams of what disaster is like<3.

one cut for every kiss one slice to my skin ... [13 Sep 2004|05:11pm]
one cut for every kiss one slice to my skin ...
for everytime i wrote the words
[ i l o v e y o u ] for your decieving eyes
one more little s l i t just cause your not around...
to stop me from doing this to myself ...
these drops of blood run down myy arms and into myy palms those lovely tears roll down your cheeks ...
when u realize what it is that u have done ..
im dying
[to know what happened between you and him]

SATURDAY AT prince of peace ! omg i had so much fun !! i went with noel and every 1 was soo crazy in the mosh pits fighting and stuff .. omg i was so psyched up ! the walk off was freaking crazy and so was aberdeen and lucked out ! but when NHE came on omg ! i was so happy ! i was yelling into the microphone and stuff !!! the mosh pit was so crazy ! billy blocked a lot of punches from hitting me so i was all happy <33 man i love him <33 no 1 else would do that for me ! <333
well thats about it i came home [oh yeai bought a NHE zip up jacket which is sweet]

omg i had so much fun !!! sugarcults a great band but now i think their just overplayed and stuff so anywayz i went with noel and kaitlyn and we met up with zee lovely zack there <33 my bffne ! me and him were like skrew this and so we just went crazy !
me and him started a big mosh pit and got the crap kicked out of me !!! zack was fine of course cause he can take a hit .. i can give 1 better ! lol i had soo much fun then zack decides to crowd surf me with this awsome kid we met there and i met soo many new friends it was amazing !!! lol me and zack got the party started .. [not to mention the singers of sugarcult yelling at him ] haha it was fun!!!

today ...
i went to school early and saw billy like a cazillion times haha i see him like every second ! (not that im complaining) and i hung out with zack and my new friends at lunch and zacks supposed to bring in the gadges tommorrow so i can finnaly put my awsome flesh tunnels in ... cant wait ! ... thank god we only have school 2 more days this week ! chyeah ! <-- oh yea thats my new word ... <333 and um yea so me and zack r probably going to 60 acre saturday cause he wants us too ]]] and yea ... thats all for now
leave comments if you want ...


just when i think everything is perfect , you go and make it better ... <3333 ...

[his] lips like knives are shattering myy veins ....

dingo fest is the 25 + 26 cant waitttt <333
dreams of what disaster is like<3.

oh wow ... [10 Sep 2004|06:24am]
oh wow ...
has it been this long since ive commented ?
well a lot has happened [i talk to my bffs all the time] so they know the deal . um ... schools good i just hate my lunch so i skip it and go to zack , lexy , erins and some pthers i know ... even though school boars me i get to see all my friends and stuff so i guess its all goood .
i still like Billy and were eventually going to go out but at this week and time were staying for reasons that are none of your god dam buisness !!!
<333 i heart you anyways though <333
um ... prince of peace is saturday i cant wait to see no hollywood ending and then i am going to see sugarcult sunday with kaitlyn and some others..
the bus is going to be here in like 5 so i am going to go and get ready ...

i love all you guys ...

<3 jamie lee <3

[his] lips , like knives are shattering my veins ...

just when i think everything is perfect , you go and make it better <33333333
dreams of what disaster is like<3.

<33. [26 Aug 2004|10:13pm]
[ mood | [ bLAH . ] ]

so yeah .. thanxx to noel .. jamie has a * new * live journal !! ..

alright .. lets get to the point .. i am finally coming out and ssaying it :
i hEART bILLY !! hes the nicest guy .. like ever !!
he likes the same bands that i do .
we get along so well ..
and he understands exactly what i am feeling ..
and he helps me with myy problems !! <3
and there willl always be a special place in myy heart for him .. no matter if hes a friend .. or a littlle more than that .. as long as i have a person like that in myy life .. ill be fine .
the just when i think ..
everything is perfect .. you go and make it better ..

dreams of what disaster is like<3.

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